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Fighting Style Test

Understanding how people argue can significantly enhance your ability to resolve conflicts effectively. By recognizing different arguing styles, you can tailor your approach to address the specific needs and tendencies of each individual involved. This awareness allows for more empathetic and constructive communication, reducing the likelihood of escalation. Additionally, it provides you with strategies to de-escalate tense situations and find common ground. Ultimately, this understanding fosters healthier relationships and more positive outcomes in conflict resolution.

What is your fighting style? For each of the following questions, indicate how well it applies to you.

Question 1 of 20

My disagreements with others tend to simmer for years without ever bursting into open conflict.



The IDRlabs Fighting Style Test was based on psychologist Loren Soeiro’s article, “What’s Your Fighting Style?”

People argue for various reasons, ranging from basic misunderstandings to deep-seated personal issues. At the core, arguments often arise from a clash of interests, values, or beliefs. For instance, differing opinions on important matters like politics, religion, or parenting can ignite heated debates. Additionally, arguments can stem from unmet needs or expectations in relationships, where one party feels neglected or misunderstood. Stress, fatigue, and other external pressures can also exacerbate tensions, leading to conflicts over seemingly minor issues. Understanding the root causes of arguments can help in addressing them more effectively and preventing future disputes.

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, whether it's between family members, friends, colleagues, or romantic partners. Differences in opinions, values, needs, and desires naturally arise as individuals interact and build connections. While conflicts can be uncomfortable and challenging, they are also opportunities for growth and deeper understanding. When managed effectively, conflicts can strengthen relationships by fostering open communication, mutual respect, and problem-solving skills. Acknowledging that conflict is a normal aspect of relationships helps individuals approach disagreements with a mindset geared towards resolution rather than avoidance or escalation.

People argue in various ways, including aggression, avoidance, appeasement, and alliance formation. Aggression involves confrontational behaviors like shouting, which can escalate conflicts and damage relationships. Avoidance means steering clear of the argument, which prevents resolution and leads to unresolved issues. Appeasement involves conceding to the other person's demands to quickly end the conflict, but it can create long-term dissatisfaction and imbalance in the relationship. Forming alliances for support can provide validation but often polarizes relationships and complicates conflict resolution. Effective conflict resolution requires recognizing these styles and fostering direct, open communication.

Understanding the root causes of conflicts is essential for resolving them constructively. Conflicts often arise from unmet needs, miscommunications, or perceived threats to one's self-esteem or values. For example, a person might feel unappreciated in a relationship and react defensively, leading to arguments. Recognizing the underlying issues behind conflicts allows individuals to address them more effectively. This understanding involves not only identifying the immediate triggers but also exploring deeper emotional needs and past experiences that may influence one's reactions. Empathy and active listening are crucial components in this process, as they help individuals see the conflict from the other person's perspective.

The best ways to solve conflicts or arguments involve a combination of open communication, empathy, and problem-solving. Active listening is crucial, as it shows respect and helps in understanding the root causes of conflict. It's essential to address the issue directly and honestly while avoiding blame and focusing on finding common ground. Employing compromise and collaboration can lead to mutually beneficial solutions, ensuring that everyone's needs and concerns are considered. Additionally, maintaining a calm and respectful demeanor throughout the discussion helps prevent escalation and fosters a more constructive resolution process.

As the publishers of this free test, which allows you to screen yourself for the characteristics of conflict management, we have strived to make the test as reliable and valid as possible by subjecting this test to statistical controls and validation. However, free online quizzes such as the present test do not provide professional assessments or recommendations of any kind; the test is provided entirely “as-is.” For more information about any of our online tests and quizzes, please consult our Terms of Service.

Why Use This Test?

1. Free. This test is delivered to you free of charge and will allow you to obtain your scores related to how you perceive your arguing style.

2. Clinically oriented. The feedback delivered by this instrument is based on the work of clinical psychologists and is designed to deliver a clear picture of the respondent’s behavior as measured according to standardized items.

3. Statistical controls. Statistical analysis of the test is conducted to ensure maximum accuracy and validity of the test scores.

4. Made by professionals. The present test has been made with the input of people who work professionally in psychology and individual differences research.