Relationship Sabotage Test

Romantic relationships require ongoing nurture, open communication, and mutual flexibility. However, many individuals find themselves trapped in recurring patterns that create distance, foster resentment, or ultimately destroy their partnerships. To help people identify these self-defeating dynamics, clinical psychologist Dr. Randi Gunther introduced the Have You Been a Relationship Saboteur? (HYBRS) assessment in 2010. This self-report instrument was created to help individuals reflect on whether their habitual responses and behaviors act as hidden obstacles to long-term relational harmony. By bringing these persistent habits into conscious awareness, the scale provides a starting point for constructive personal growth.

Relationship sabotage refers to the conscious or unconscious enactment of behaviors that undermine trust, intimacy, and connection between romantic partners. In daily life, this construct manifests in several recognizable ways. A person high in relationship sabotage might repeatedly ignore or dismiss their partner's requests for meaningful change, viewing those requests as unimportant or unnecessary. They may also notice a persistent pattern across multiple relationships, where successive partners express remarkably similar complaints about their emotional distance, defensiveness, or unwillingness to compromise. Despite witnessing the painful consequences of these behaviors, the individual may continue engaging in them, even when it becomes obvious that their actions are driving their partner away.

Psychological research on interpersonal relationships highlights that sabotage is rarely driven by pure malice; instead, it often serves as a defensive mechanism against deeper fears of vulnerability, rejection, or engulfment. When partners feel overwhelmed by emotional closeness, they may unconsciously erect barriers to protect themselves from potential heartbreak. Common expressions of sabotage include escalating minor disagreements into major conflicts, withholding affection when upset, or prioritizing self-protection over collaborative problem-solving. Over time, these persistent dynamics erode the foundation of safety and mutual respect required for a thriving partnership, leading to chronic dissatisfaction or premature breakups.

Recognizing these destructive dynamics is a vital step toward breaking negative relational cycles. When people become aware of how their specific actions contribute to relationship breakdown, they gain the capacity to choose healthier, more constructive responses. Rather than reacting out of habit or defensiveness, they can learn to listen actively to their partner's concerns, validate their partner's feelings, and work collaboratively to resolve underlying tensions. Addressing sabotage requires a willingness to examine one's own contribution to relational conflicts, acknowledge painful feedback, and foster emotional accountability within the partnership.

The population comparison markers shown on your results chart are estimated values derived from published research samples using the original scale, rather than validated population norms for this specific online test. They are intended to serve as a general point of reference to help you understand how your scores compare to typical averages reported in published studies, rather than a definitive ranking of your interpersonal capabilities or emotional health.

Please note that this test is provided for educational and self-reflection purposes only. It is not a clinical diagnostic tool and cannot diagnose personality disorders, relational pathology, or mental health conditions. This assessment is based on the Have You Been a Relationship Saboteur? (HYBRS) instrument but uses its own item set and is not affiliated with Dr. Randi Gunther or any affiliated institutions. If you are experiencing severe distress in your romantic life or wish to address deep-seated relational patterns, consider consulting a licensed marriage and family therapist or mental health professional.

References

• Gunther, R. (2010). Relationship Saboteurs: Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine Love. New Harbinger Publications.