"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."
ENFJs as They Typically Are
ENFJs are warm, gracious, and accommodating souls. Kind-hearted and friendly, they typically like to engage with others and converse with them in ways that leave both parties feeling emotionally connected and validated. Getting others to open up about their personal problems, or giving them a space where they can really air the big questions in their lives, are often the ENFJ's preferred means towards this end.
ENFJs tend to be quite capable at interacting and engaging with people in this manner. Regardless of their energy level in general, they typically do not expend as much fuel as others have to in order to engage, spar, converse, and relate to people.
Many ENFJs are naturally well-organized and will often find themselves being the ones who facilitate social get-togethers or events in their social circles. They tend to be very good at reading the emotional vibe of a room; that is, sensing if there is tension, who feels awkward, what the different energy levels of the people in the room are, and so on. When they feel inclined to do so, most ENFJs are effortlessly capable of knowing just where and how to add their social competencies to the mix in a way that helps lift others up and makes them feel comfortable. In this way, ENFJs can often seem to hover a bit above the normal socializing that goes on among people, coming at the whole activity of social interaction from another and more exalted angle altogether.
ENFJs tend to value harmony - both intellectually and in their personal affairs. Even when they disagree with someone, they tend to listen actively, and if they must criticize, they usually do it in an amiable and non-threatening way that leaves the other person with a shining path via which they may abandon their former position and update their beliefs to join ranks with the ENFJ without losing face.
In part, ENFJs also tend to understand their own positions by the effect they have on other people. When a perspective gives others hope and lifts their spirits, these reactions are likely to be mirrored in the psyche of the ENFJ, even if that perspective is not new to the ENFJ (or even if that perspective is actually of the ENFJ's own making). They see everyone as connected and part of a large community, where the strongest asset of the individual is their connection to other people. An intuitive assumption with them is often that if everyone could overcome their social anxieties and inhibitions, we could all be significantly happier, indeed, the world could be a radically better place.
ENFJs tend to be quite visionary in this manner. With their strong sense of direction, and strongly defined inner vision of how things could be, they can often be quite inspiring in their advocacy of a principle or cause. Even when they don't want to, many ENFJs tend to gravitate towards positions of leadership on account of their social intelligence and inner impetus to plot a course for long-term transformation.
While not all ENFJs are intellectual or academically minded, almost all ENFJs do well in school since they tend to be very well-suited to navigate the complex social webs and numerous rules and plans that are required in such an environment. But school can also present a problem for them, as many schools are perfectly happy to instill the notion that children can excel by being congenial and simply mimicking the adults. While ENFJs tend to be very good at this while in school, older ENFJs who succeeded in this manner may often struggle a bit to find their own path and to forge their own identity later in life.
Since people so often come to ENFJs for guidance and advice, it can be hard for ENFJs to find the time to really reflect on their own needs and identity and what they wish to be like as people, independently of what their surroundings need from them. Thus ENFJs are at their best when they are surrounded by people who understand that while the ENFJ is often happy to put the other person at the center of the exchange, drawing too much on the goodwill of the ENFJ may sometimes come at the expense of the ENFJ's own self-reflection.
Paradoxically, becoming clearer about their own identity can also make ENFJs more insightful in their understanding of others. ENFJs who are able to stand freely and simply be themselves are often able to look at people without bias and operate as a stepping stone for the other person's change and growth. They see people as highly layered and complex, and with their superior social skills they tend to be adept at picking up on patterns of emotional behavior. ENFJs use these insights to gently guide a person towards realizing their own psychological challenges and frustrations and to help them come to terms with what they need to do about them in order to progress. They tend to make excellent communicators in this manner, where they are frequently able to broach personal topics in a way that makes the other person feel they are being supported rather than criticized.
Overall, ENFJs tend to see life as a process of change and growth. They tend to be future-oriented, and most enjoy being exposed to different ideas, cultures, thoughts, emotions and transformative experiences. While many possess natural leadership qualities, ENFJs rarely succumb to the "boss" role where they end up telling others what to do. Instead, they prefer to help and guide others, so that they are leading by inspiration rather than by authority. In this manner, they are truly able to act as great transformative guides - both in a large-scale visionary sense and on the level of the individual.